Is it a choking hazard? Maybe. Is it the thing in life that makes me happiest? You’re damn right. Nowadays that simple joy has become so unbearably rare, thanks to my “extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile” humans. Ok ok, I might also purr when I am in my floofy bed—my SECOND favorite thing to… Read More
It’s pretty simple, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before. I attack Charlie. Call it playing, whatever you want. But I go after him – and not just anywhere. I make sure that we trample our way across the humans while they are sleeping (preferably their heads). I keep doing this slightly earlier… Read More
My humans brought an evil robot into the house. It’s some type of food container, but somehow that skinny old man CHARLIE has magical powers over it. The two are working together. Torturing me. Mocking me. There is some type of clear shield covering the food that only opens when Charlie eats out of it. When I… Read More
True! — hungry — very, very dreadfully hungry I had been and am; but why will you say that I am fat? The diet had sharpened my senses — not destroyed — not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I could hear it. The spoon in the can, the scoop in… Read More
At least they tried to hide it from me that Charlie was getting fed all the time at first. I mean, I knew what was going on. They would put me in the room and give King Charlie as much food as he wanted. But at least they tried to shield me from what was… Read More
That’s the entire point of humans, right? Did I just end up with the most useless humans in the world? But, then again, CHARLIE gets fed ALL DAY. It’s like we’re all just living in king Charlie’s world. CURRENT MOOD: PEEVED
I saw my humans eat an entire bag of goldfish in one hour while they sat on their butts playing something called “Mario Kart.” I also overheard that my mom has been trying to be on a diet during something called the “the pandemic.” But I don’t see anyone lock her in a room for… Read More
I’m just as happy rolling around on my back swatting at the feathers. It’s fun to watch them try though. CURRENT MOOD: AMUSED CURRENT WEIGHT: 16.8 lbs
Today started like any other. My tummy started grumbling and I woke up my humans like I always do – by eating my mom’s hair and chewing on my dad’s beard. Then, one of my humans put me in a container and took me to see strangers. They seemed nice enough. That is, until one… Read More
